Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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