I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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