In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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