I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is my gift to your gina
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
