to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
