That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
