Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
