dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
