Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
