Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
