There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
