i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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