I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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