u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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