It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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