Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
