you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
