All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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