Swine flu. Run for my life!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
