We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
