my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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