I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
