$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
