my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
