Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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