I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
