brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
