My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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