I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
