I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
