i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
