Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
