Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
