hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
