The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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