Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
