I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
