is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
