I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
