I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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