I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
