he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
