Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize