found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
