he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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