Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
