I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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