I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
