is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
