So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize