So gin and wine won't be happening again
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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