I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
