i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
