i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
