I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
