I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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