it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
