Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
