I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
