How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
