after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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