we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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