ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
