I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
