New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
