Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize