oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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