his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
home. puking in laundry basket.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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