I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
