I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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