You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
